My past forever haunts me.
Thinking it was okay to be a scum bag. Not thinking about my actions affecting me and the people around me in the future. Kicking myself for doing the things I’ve done in my past. They say to forget about the past but how can I when it interferes with the present how can I ignore the gritty stains I’ve left? I hate that I hurt you. I hate that I was so naive and cocky. My influences around me were no help. My best friend was an arrogant asshole and my brotherly role model? A pig who would fuck anyone with a pulse and a vagina. I hate my past. I hate past Devin. I hate it more than anything. I can’t blame anyone but myself for what I’ve done though. No one told me to be a piece of shit. I took it upon myself to do so.
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It was a sunny day around September. Every minute felt like eternity, as I paced back and forth, restlessly opening and closing Twitter to kill the endless time, waiting for 3:00 pm to arrive. 3 o’clock rolled around and - nothing. I began to fidget, drinking water when my thirst did not even need to be quenched. I peered through the peep hole every time I walked by the door, checking my breath to make sure it was still minty for when Selena arrived. It was 3:17 PM, when my phone vibrated, zzt-zzt. The thought of it being a text from Selena saying “I’m here” sent my heart into an overwhelming jitter of pumps, and the caterpillars in my stomach started to wiggle out of their cocoons. I opened the door as fast as I could, almost running to the driveway as the butterflies emerged from their cocoons. I tackled her with a hug and looked into her sweet hazel eyes that resembled a jar of honey being held up in front of the beating sun on a summer day. I barely managed to maintain my composure, as we waved good bye to Selena’s friend who was nice enough to drop her off. We walked into my house, and I was eager to open the door for her. We both stepped in and I gave her a soft kiss on her lips accompanied by a tight hug that screamed “I missed you.” She retaliated with a medley of kisses all over my face. By then, the butterflies were flapping their wings with the power of a typhoon and my heart felt as if it was going to burst. Her tummy started to rumble and I looked at her and asked, “Are you hungry, Selena?” She hesitated, almost as if I had spoken to her in a different language. She had this look of utter joy on her face. I asked her again, “Baby would you like me to make you something to eat?“ Selena giggled and told me she was hungry. I instantly showed her to the kitchen and she chose the counter as her seat. I paused from preparing her food and pulled her closer to me. Her hands locked behind my head and she gave me one kiss on the lips. My butterflies evolved into dragonflies when she told me that I looked handsome and that the cologne I was wearing smelled fantastic. My cheeks started to hurt; I realized that I hadn’t stopped smiling since I laid eyes on her. I endured the pain because that’s all I could do. The smiling wasn’t stopping and just like that I looked at the clock and it was 4:45 PM. The minutes melted away like wax in an oven when I was with her. The pot of water had begun to boil and I got the spaghetti noodles ready to throw in and Selena asked me in a voice so sweet if she could help me. Of course I let her - I couldn’t deny a single request from that girl. She struggled to snap the bunch of noodles in half and with one grunt of exertion she snapped the spaghetti and 70% of it went everywhere, while the rest remained in her hands. She gave me those puppy dog eyes as if she was expecting me to unleash a wrath of anger towards her, but I simply told her “I’ll clean it up later, baby, let me get more noodles,” and laughed. She giggled and said, “Devin, Why are you such a gentleman?” I stopped myself from answering her question truthfully and told her “My momma raised me right.” Then I tossed the new noodles in the pot and kissed her forehead. She told me no guy had ever kissed her forehead and again, I stopped myself from saying those words so iconically used for someone you care for, only because I wasn’t sure how she felt about me. I hugged her tightly and swayed with her as the sound of bubbling boiling water filled the kitchen. Soon, the noodles were done and I served her spaghetti and a cup of juice. I joined her on the couch and we ate together, but I only had a few bites. I wasn’t hungry; I was too focused on Selena. She finished eating and she asked me if we could play video games. I was caught off guard from her request, but complied. We sat in my bed while I set up my Xbox. My cheeks started to ache again, as I went in for a kiss and she pushed my face and giggled. I looked at her with confusion and she responded to me, “I wanted to go for that kiss,” and kissed me. My dragonflies started acting up again as I tackled her to the bed. She couldn’t stop giggling and she fought her way on top of me. I looked into her sweet hazel eyes and again I wanted to say the words. She could tell I had something to say and she asked, “Whats wrong, baby? What is it?” I thought to myself “I love you, Selena,” but I didn’t respond. I just kept looking into her eyes. She asked me again and still not a single word came out of my mouth. Her smile faded and she got closer to my face and again asked me in a more serious tone, “Devin, what’s wrong? Baby?” I started to laugh and her face was more confused than anything else. Tears started to form and my vision began to blur. The dragonflies began to buzz more than ever. Her face now looked concerned and worried about what I had to say. She asked me again, “Baby, what is wrong? Please tell me.” I took a deep breath and told her, “I… I love you.” Her face instantly went into shock and for a few seconds my heart dropped into the depths of my stomach and I began to feel as if these words that I confessed to her were not mutual. She responded, “I love you too, Devin!” and burst into tears. Hearing those words sent a warm sensation through my whole body and I started to cry as I hugged her with all of my might. I thought of nothing besides that I was with the love of my life in this moment. In between her sobs she told me she loved me again and again. I got on top of her and wiped her tears and smiled at her. She giggled as she wiped away my tears. I was in complete ecstasy. I felt euphoric and in an unrealistic dream, but I knew this was reality. I couldn’t believe that the girl I love feels the same way about me. I felt the dragonflies sputter inside my stomach as she caressed my jawline and kissed me. I ran my fingers through her hair and pulled her head to my chest. I kissed the top of her head and said, “I’m the happiest guy in the world right now and I don’t want to be anywhere but here, Selena.” She replied,”Me either, Devin, you make me feel like a princess.” I held her with her head laying on my chest and I glanced at my phone to see the time. It was 8:37 pm. I told her what time it was, and she giggled and told me that time had never flown this fast being with anyone else before. I agreed with her because it felt like all this happened within one hour. She called her friend who had dropped her off to come pick her up in an hour. Even though I knew she was leaving in what felt like 5 minutes, nothing could destroy this feeling I had in my being that moment. I asked Selena when she realized that she was in love with me. She told me that for a couple weeks she questioned herself if she was really in love and came to the conclusion that she was in love that same week. A weight lifted, as I realized that she and I both fell for each other around the same time. I hugged her and attacked her with kisses while she tried to fight back with her own kisses. I look at my phone once more. It was a few minutes to 10 o’clock and we both knew it was time for her to go. I walked her out to the drive way with her friend waiting patiently for her. I turned Selena to me, kissed her forehead, and hugged her. While hugging her, I told her, “Selena, I love you.” She turned her head to whisper something back. Then she gently pushed me back, looked into my eyes and told me, “I love you too, Devin Joshua Thaker.” and kissed me. Once again, my dragonflies raved inside and my face got warm. She giggled as she told me, “I didn’t know brown boys could blush.” “I didn’t think they could either,” I responded. She gave me one last hug and kissed me, before I opened the door for her in the passenger seat of her friend’s car. I stood in the drive way watching her and waving goodbye until the car was nowhere in sight. This was the day I confessed my love for Selena Marie Gallegos.
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When your reality is what others see as fantasy you tend to forget that you are truly blessed with someone special. Always try to find a reminder that what you have is like no other. Cannot be replicated. It is a one of a kind love.
Two-time Oscar-winning shrug
I’m an overprotective crazy boyfriend. I can’t help it. It bothers me when my girlfriend’s ‘friends’ post shit on twitter or instagram that doesn’t need to be on the internet in the first place. If I ask you to take it down take it down. You can gawk at her ass all you fucking want but keep it off the web.
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